Lesson 2: Energy is Contagious - Choose to be Happy

“Energy cannot be created or destroyed, but only changed from one form into another or transferred from one object to another.”                                                   –The Law of Conservation of Energy

Every single person has an energy and whether it’s positive, negative or neutral depends a lot on the people you choose to associate with. In my 28 years I’ve realized that viewing the world from a place of optimism is a choice. I’ve also come to understand that the key to my happiness is surrounding myself with positive people. I thrive when I’m around others that face every obstacle as an opportunity to learn and grow, rather than as an unbearable blow. These people are the movers and shakers of the world and always seem to see things on the bright side.

We all have those people in our lives that only talk about negative things and are always in the middle of some drama. If you’re on the phone with them and find yourself paying more attention to what’s on tv, pulling the phone away from your ear because you can’t believe the BS they are talking about or rolling your eyes every 2 minutes, just hang up. Their negative energy is starting to affect you. People with negative energy don’t want to be alone in their pity party, they like others to be a part of foolishness as well, hence the old saying “misery loves company”.  You should get away from any situation or person the minute you feel their negativity starting to shift your energy. 

There have been times in my life where family and friends were surrounded by negativity and I’ve had to remove myself because I could feel myself falling into their negative energy.  Once I was able to regroup I went back to offer help again, but realized that I couldn’t help anyone if we both had a negative mindset. Don’t get it twisted, removing people from your life can be extremely hard and I am in no way saying that it’s easy. However, there is but so much you can do to help a negative person because eventually you’ll get frustrated and fall into their cycle of negativity. It’s important to recognize those who dampen your spirit and cause you more angst then uplifting because no one is worth your happiness.

 

Newsflash: Having a positive outlook on life takes work. Yeah, it’s easier to have negative energy, but who wants to live life under a dark cloud?  A lot of people are simply too lazy and don’t want to put in the time to convert their negative energy into a positive one.  Of course everyone has bad days and situations, but having a positive outlook will shorten the time you dwell on these and will jump start your plan of action to change the situation. There’s a reason why most people love the new Pharrell song – it promotes being HAPPY!

                                                           

Make a conscious choice and stick with it. Choose to surround yourself by people with positive energy. Choose people that empower you and can help you make light of situations. Choose to remove negative people from your life until you’re sure you’re strong enough not to be influenced negatively. Choose to do things that make you happy and feel good regardless of what others think because everything isn’t for everyone. 

28 Lessons in 28 Years

  "In trying times, faith is either built or broken." - Me

 
When I first made the decision to move to Costa Rica, other than "Are you crazy?" the second most asked question was "Are you trying to find yourself?" At 26 I had experienced a lot in my life and had a pretty good understanding of who I was. The goal of my trip was not to "find myself," but to experience something new and cross something off my bucket list.

However, I must admit that in the year since my return I've learned more about myself and have experienced more personal growth than in the last three years collectively. I know that as humans we are always learning and evolving, but this growth has been so substantial because I recognize that I’m moving towards my purpose. So in honor of turning 28 on November 28th, I've decided to document 28 lessons I've learned in 28 years. Some of these lessons were learned easily, while others were hard lessons learned from not so pleasant circumstances. Nevertheless, they were learned in their own time and have helped me become a better, more aware woman.

Lesson 1: Faith Grows

I wasn’t raised in a household where we had to go to church every single Sunday.  There were no weekly bible study classes or even a set denomination.  While not religious, I was raised to be spiritual by praying and believing in a being greater than myself.  Later in life I realized that this lack of structure allowed me to explore my own ideas of spirituality and to be open-minded in my beliefs.

My walk by faith became a realization the day I turned in my letter of resignation to the State’s Attorney’s Office so I could move to Costa Rica and volunteer.  There was no turning back to life as I knew it, but in my heart I knew God would sustain me on my journey.  I chose to leave my house, my job as a prosecutor, and my overall comfort to follow a dream and experience a different life and culture  My five months in Costa Rica was amazing, but my return proved much more difficult than I ever imagined.

Somewhere in my mind I thought that coming home would end my walk of faith, but that was not in God’s plan.  The first four months back were filled with disappointment as I applied for dozens of jobs with no luck.  Since the age of fourteen I have kept a job because I don’t like to ask for help, but here I was now needing help and too prideful to ask for it.  People who really know me wouldn’t offer me anything, but would simply take me grocery shopping and deposit money into my account.  Through them I understood that God was trying to rid me of my prideful ways and every single time I would be humbled to tears.  Even though I had no income, I prayed a whole lot and God saw fit to make sure all of my bills were paid and that I did not go without meals. 

The next four months were spent trying to mend a broken relationship and friendship that were neither healthy nor a part of God’s plan for me.  I was constantly praying for peace in my home and within me.  Slowly, but surely as those relationships came to an end I could feel a weight being lifted and my peace coming back.  However, I wasn’t happy and had to learn to accept things as they were and to move on with my broken heart.  I spent nearly eight months trying to find my way back to happiness, but my faith didn’t waver and I trusted God to work it all out.

As much as I’m a control freak, God hadn’t let me down in those trying times, so I decided to let him order my steps. After accepting His direction for my life things started falling into place.  My career path became crystal clear and I realized that I was no longer supposed to work for anyone but myself.  Starting my own law practice was not something I ever wanted or even thought about, but all of a sudden it felt right and I knew it was exactly what I was supposed to be doing.  God started putting the right people in my life to assist me on this journey and every time I asked for confirmation He was there showing me the signs that I was headed in the right direction.  God was also bringing people back into my life that were on the same spiritual journey. Whenever I was having a bad day or doubting myself they were the shoulder I needed and could give me positive words to keep moving towards my purpose. I also noticed that I liked being home again and that the people that were supposed to be in my life were still there.   

Then one day I woke up happy! I mean neon yellow, lemon sunflower happy and apparently it was shining through because people kept complimenting my glow. Things were going exactly how they were supposed to and my personal relationship with God has never been better.  I realized that He put everything in place for me to end up here: happy and full of faith.

7 Years In…My Natural Hair is STILL a journey!

"I am not my hair." -India.Arie

Day 2 of my journey...



Seven years ago today I did the “big chop” and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  It was the day after taking the LSAT and I figured, after that experience, I could get through anything. So I washed my hair and let my friend cut off the rest of the relaxed ends, which I had been growing out since April. Afterwards I cried…not so much for my hair, but at the anxiety of facing the world looking different. The next day I put on my biggest, cutest earrings and went out with full armor over my self-confidence, which I knew would be tested severely… As an undergraduate at GSU in Northeast, Louisiana, having natural hair was rare…I think I only ever saw two people on campus with natural hair before I made the decision to be natural.

Before that day, I had never seen my hair in its natural state; I was 19. My hair is the thickest and coarsest I had ever seen and apparently my mom thought so too, as I had been having my hair relaxed since about 3 or 4. I mean there were literally times when a relaxer did not take on my hair and I had to re-relax it the next day (horrible, I know). I went through my whole life HATING my hair, but when I saw Lauryn Hill’s hair in the video for “Killing Me Softly” I knew I wanted my hair like that one day. I’ve always been quite rebellious and at some point I knew I was tired of looking like everyone else, especially when my hair was not happy…

 

In these 7 years, me and my hair (newly named Nina) have been through it! I have periods where we are friends and times where we just don’t get along at all! Sometimes I want to play with her and try different styles and at other times I don’t even want to see or touch her. I have colored it, cut it (sometimes intentionally and sometimes because people are scissor happy), braided it, and almost everything in between. Nina has personality and, when I’m not lazy, I like to flaunt her.

I can honestly say that it was not until I was natural that I fell in love with my hair; through good and bad days it was mine and I rocked it!  As a law student, I never felt pressure to conform by straightening my hair for interviews because my hair was a part of who I was and I figured they either wanted all of me or none of me…always rebellious.  Even in court as an attorney, I would rock my ‘fro or twist styles proudly. Funny thing I notice is that when people see someone with natural hair they automatically think they have a strong personality – one stereotype I’m ok with!

 

This year I’ve decided to treat Nina better. Funny how all these years later I never really put much thought into how healthy my hair was.  This time in Costa Rica has really given me necessary time to think about so much, including my hair. I’ve been researching a lot to figure out why my hair does certain things and finding natural recipes I can use on my hair; I am a YouTube junkie now. I’ve also decided to really listen to Nina and do what she likes. My journey has been a learning experience more than anything, but I couldn’t imagine my hair relaxed ever again (I’ve literally had nightmares about it). I’m happy to be nappy/kinky/curly and everything in between!

The Secret Life of Chickens

I am a city girl. I have never lived or spent time on a farm. I don’t think I’ve ever even visited a farm and growing up I hated the zoo; it was stank! Since moving to my “casita,” I’ve had the opportunity to be around a lot of chickens. The chickens are one of the few animals I don’t have a problem with, unless it’s in my kitchen sink or running and making loud noises in the wee hours of the morning. The chickens seem harmless and on top of that they taste good! Actually, I need to figure out how to ask my landlord if she would sell one to me because with all these chickens running around, it’s expensive to buy in the "Super", which is similar to a bodega. I paid $8 for two chicken breasts a couple weeks ago… 


Why did the chicken cross the road...

Either way, being here I’ve developed an interest in watching chickens while sitting in my kitchen/dining/living room. They are very fascinating creatures! Who knew?!? I think my roommate thinks I’m crazy because I often tell her excitedly to come watch. One day I saw the “gallina” running around the tree like she was running for her life, so I stopped to watch. The “gallo” then came around the other side jumped on top of her and began pecking her head. I watched in horror because I thought for sure he was gonna kill her as feathers were flying all around! Not to say I wouldn’t have went out, picked it up,  tried my best to feather it and cook it after, but it was still something I had never seen. My landlord’s daughter told me a few days later that that’s where the eggs come from and here I thought I was witnessing a murder!

This guy loves the camera!

I saw this happen again a few days later with the same “gallo”, but this new “gallina” was a little smarter. As the “gallo” chased down another hen trying to make more “huevos” the hen flew up to the leaf of a banana tree.  She was not trying to be caught! I went to the other room and by the time I got back you better believe that rooster was right up there too. Whoever said chickens don’t fly had never seen these chickens! I guess every male species is persistent when it comes to “chasing” a female.

At night, things get even more interesting even though I can’t see the chickens. Some nights in the wee hours of the morning it will be very quiet; the dog isn’t barking and the iguanas aren’t scratching on the roof. All of a sudden you hear running footsteps going “muy rapido”. I don’t know what it is until the “gallo” starts clucking like it is dawn and time for everyone to get up. While I can’t see them, I imagine the rooster is out chasing another hen because that’s the only time they run, other than when they are scared of humans or iguanas. Other nights the chickens start a chorus randomly. I hear the ones in my yard and then it seems as if all the other chickens in the neighborhood join in. Sometimes when I listen really carefully I can hear the chickens from around the corner. The chickens never cease to surprise me…

 

You’re probably reading this and think I have far too much time on my hands to pay attention to the chickens. You’re probably right, but I’m probably gonna be an expert on chickens by the time I get back to the States and will be thoroughly entertained until then…



A favorite hiding spot when the rain starts suddenly.

This one made it past being a scrambled egg.

The 52-Week Challenge…and Why You Should Join in Too!

“Accountability breeds response-ability.” -Stephen R. Covey

Since I’ve been blogging, I look at several other blogs, which I think are good, in the hopes of one day being a better blogger with a good following.  One of my faves so far is www.thisisyourconscience.com. Lincoln, the author, is funny, smart and has some of the most interesting topics on various subject matters. So last night, I’m browsing and come across a 52-week challenge that he proposed to himself and his readers and it was right on time…

 

The Challenge:

“The pledge is simple – but the challenge is NOT. I want everyone willing to be a part of this endeavor to swear RIGHT NOW (not tomorrow, not tonight after your meeting, or next week after your schedule at work/school is less hectic) that you will spend the next 52 weeks relentlessly chasing your dream.”

Each Wednesday of the next 52 weeks, every single ONE of us must state ONE important and necessary thing we did in the past 7 days to make our dream a reality. Our accountability partner(s) will then ask us the following:

1.      How did your actions bring you closer to your goal?

2.      Did you HONESTLY do everything in your power to progress your dreams this past week?

3.      How could you have done more?

4.      What is your plan to progress your goals in the next 7 days?

 

See, two nights ago I was complaining because I came from my Spanish “intercambio” and was frustrated that I wasn’t learning as much as I wanted. Unfortunately, I had no one to fault but myself. Then I got pissed off about this extra weight I’m carrying and again no one to fault but myself. So I accepted the challenge, hoping that is makes me accountable and work on achieving goals that I have been too lazy or unmotivated to reach on my own. I had two goals when I read the article, but after reading other people’s list, I decided to add on to mine.

Here is my list of things to actively work on for the next 52 weeks:

1. I pledge to be at my ideal weight, by working out at least 3 times a week.

2. I pledge to be fluent in Spanish, by actively working on it for the rest of my 4 months in Costa Rica.

3. I pledge to take my love of photography seriously by investing in a good camera and enrolling in a class.

4. I pledge to have the option to retire by 40 by eliminating my student loan debt and mortgage payments.

In deciding to take on this challenge, I’m sure many of my family and friends also have goals they want to accomplish. It can be anything such as taking a yearly vacation, reaching a weight loss goal, finishing a degree, becoming a better wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend, becoming a better parent or paying off debt.  You can set any goal, even if it takes longer than 52 weeks to reach!

The purpose is to actively work on reaching your goals and being held accountable by others, who want you to achieve that goal. So I’m encouraging others to join the challenge with me. List your goals in the comments section and choose others that you will hold accountable as well.

Read more about the challenge here: http://www.thisisyourconscience.com/2012/08/tiyc-presents-the-52-week-pledge-i-challenge-you-to-get-closer-to-your-dreams

Why is Costa Rica Hating on My Hair???

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." -William Edward Hickson

Coming to Costa Rica I thought my “pelo natural” would be in heaven because of all this heat and humidity.  Boy was I wrong!  Costa Rica and I have been in a constant fight since I’ve gotten here and I think Costa Rica is winning. Every day poses a new hair challenge, whether my hair decides to shrink and hide, be consistently dirty and dusty or rain after I actually take time to put it in a style. I’ve spent countless hours searching on the Natural Hair group on facebook and looking on Youtube for “ayuda”… and hope! I’ve even put in an emergency shipment with my roommates for some products hoping it will help. SN: Shame on my roommate Neli, who told me not to bring Jessica2 (my wig); we would be best friends right now!

A couple weeks ago I braided my hair in some plaits or “Celie” braids as I call them; yes after Celie on The Color Purple. I left them in for 5 days and just pinned them back into different styles. In the States, I usually do this at night and have a cute braid out the next day, but deciding to be lazy and hoping for definition left them in. When I took them out my hair looked like “basura caliente”! I mean my hair had absolutely NO definition. All of the volunteers thought it was cute, but of course I knew better…

For my next experiment, I did a style with two strand twists and to my surprise it came out cute! However, a style that would have been cute and lasted a week did not hold up so well.  After 3 days it started to look kind of raggedy and I should have retwisted some of them again. Nevertheless I kept it in almost a week, NOT because it was cute, but out of sheer laziness.

My latest trial is to rinse my hair with conditioner, put in a leave-in conditioner, apply coconut oil to my ends and then some curling smoothie to my entire head.  I then put my hair in 3 ponytails to stretch it. While my hair is soft, the attempt was another FAIL at cuteness and ended up in a pulled back afro.

One day Costa Rica will not be a hater…one day while I’m here my hair will be cute …

Marriage: The New Fad???

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. -Mignon McLaughlin

I think celebrities are trying to break each other’s record on who can have the most anticipated, publicized wedding and then have the fastest divorce. Are these people serious?!?! Is nothing sacred anymore?  Is everything really about fame and fortune?? What happened to “til death do us part” or “happily ever after” (with a lot of hurdles to get there)”?

Now granted I’ve never been married, but I would imagine that before I said "I do" or even accepted a proposal I would know the person well enough to last more than 72 or 41 days! I don’t believe in divorce in most situations, but of course there are exceptions that trump this, with abuse being one. However, in the case of Ochocinco, Evelyn knew that fool was a cheater and had beat on someone in the past! Maybe she thinks like a lot of women, who believe they can change a man.  Other than those few exceptions, I truly believe most people get divorced because they are simply unhappy or don’t believe they can fix the issues. Of course, no one should stay where they are unhappy, but how many people truly work at trying to save their marriage or fix their issues before calling it quits?

Being a hopeless romantic, I try really hard to believe in the institution of marriage. However, I didn’t grow up with good examples of strong, positive marriages so foolishness like this continues to put a bad taste in my mouth. I have to continuously tell myself that marriage is what you and your spouse make it; there is no mold, only what works for your individual marriage. I now have some friends that seem to have great marriages (what do I know, I’m only looking from the outside) and I listen carefully to stories and advice and hope to one day apply things as necessary. Some of the best advice I ever got from one of my married friends is that “People expect their spouse not to change, but the truth is everyone changes. You just have to find the person that you want to change with and that you can put up with through those changes.” One day the right one will find me and I will have to accept the changes we will go through together.

And while I’m talking about marriage, I guess I should address the topic of same sex marriage too. Now what’s funny to me are all the people running around against same sex marriage like it’s going to ruin the institution of marriage… Ha!!! They must be sleeping and unaware of the heterosexual couples who are doing a damn good job of jacking it up already. People should mind their business and focus on their own personal relationships and marriage because those statistics of 50% of failed marriage don’t include the same sex marriages. Oh, but I forgot, it’s about religious beliefs and those people are sinning right? Yeah, like you don’t sin and won’t continue to do so.

With all of that being said, I wish the principles and commitment of marriage could return to a place where people fought hard to uphold their vows. Where people thought more about the marriage than the wedding and wanted to grow old with their significant other because they cared deeply and made a good partnership. A time when marriage was not a joke and about how much fame it could bring you.