7 Years In…My Natural Hair is STILL a journey!

"I am not my hair." -India.Arie

Day 2 of my journey...



Seven years ago today I did the “big chop” and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.  It was the day after taking the LSAT and I figured, after that experience, I could get through anything. So I washed my hair and let my friend cut off the rest of the relaxed ends, which I had been growing out since April. Afterwards I cried…not so much for my hair, but at the anxiety of facing the world looking different. The next day I put on my biggest, cutest earrings and went out with full armor over my self-confidence, which I knew would be tested severely… As an undergraduate at GSU in Northeast, Louisiana, having natural hair was rare…I think I only ever saw two people on campus with natural hair before I made the decision to be natural.

Before that day, I had never seen my hair in its natural state; I was 19. My hair is the thickest and coarsest I had ever seen and apparently my mom thought so too, as I had been having my hair relaxed since about 3 or 4. I mean there were literally times when a relaxer did not take on my hair and I had to re-relax it the next day (horrible, I know). I went through my whole life HATING my hair, but when I saw Lauryn Hill’s hair in the video for “Killing Me Softly” I knew I wanted my hair like that one day. I’ve always been quite rebellious and at some point I knew I was tired of looking like everyone else, especially when my hair was not happy…

 

In these 7 years, me and my hair (newly named Nina) have been through it! I have periods where we are friends and times where we just don’t get along at all! Sometimes I want to play with her and try different styles and at other times I don’t even want to see or touch her. I have colored it, cut it (sometimes intentionally and sometimes because people are scissor happy), braided it, and almost everything in between. Nina has personality and, when I’m not lazy, I like to flaunt her.

I can honestly say that it was not until I was natural that I fell in love with my hair; through good and bad days it was mine and I rocked it!  As a law student, I never felt pressure to conform by straightening my hair for interviews because my hair was a part of who I was and I figured they either wanted all of me or none of me…always rebellious.  Even in court as an attorney, I would rock my ‘fro or twist styles proudly. Funny thing I notice is that when people see someone with natural hair they automatically think they have a strong personality – one stereotype I’m ok with!

 

This year I’ve decided to treat Nina better. Funny how all these years later I never really put much thought into how healthy my hair was.  This time in Costa Rica has really given me necessary time to think about so much, including my hair. I’ve been researching a lot to figure out why my hair does certain things and finding natural recipes I can use on my hair; I am a YouTube junkie now. I’ve also decided to really listen to Nina and do what she likes. My journey has been a learning experience more than anything, but I couldn’t imagine my hair relaxed ever again (I’ve literally had nightmares about it). I’m happy to be nappy/kinky/curly and everything in between!

The Secret Life of Chickens

I am a city girl. I have never lived or spent time on a farm. I don’t think I’ve ever even visited a farm and growing up I hated the zoo; it was stank! Since moving to my “casita,” I’ve had the opportunity to be around a lot of chickens. The chickens are one of the few animals I don’t have a problem with, unless it’s in my kitchen sink or running and making loud noises in the wee hours of the morning. The chickens seem harmless and on top of that they taste good! Actually, I need to figure out how to ask my landlord if she would sell one to me because with all these chickens running around, it’s expensive to buy in the "Super", which is similar to a bodega. I paid $8 for two chicken breasts a couple weeks ago… 


Why did the chicken cross the road...

Either way, being here I’ve developed an interest in watching chickens while sitting in my kitchen/dining/living room. They are very fascinating creatures! Who knew?!? I think my roommate thinks I’m crazy because I often tell her excitedly to come watch. One day I saw the “gallina” running around the tree like she was running for her life, so I stopped to watch. The “gallo” then came around the other side jumped on top of her and began pecking her head. I watched in horror because I thought for sure he was gonna kill her as feathers were flying all around! Not to say I wouldn’t have went out, picked it up,  tried my best to feather it and cook it after, but it was still something I had never seen. My landlord’s daughter told me a few days later that that’s where the eggs come from and here I thought I was witnessing a murder!

This guy loves the camera!

I saw this happen again a few days later with the same “gallo”, but this new “gallina” was a little smarter. As the “gallo” chased down another hen trying to make more “huevos” the hen flew up to the leaf of a banana tree.  She was not trying to be caught! I went to the other room and by the time I got back you better believe that rooster was right up there too. Whoever said chickens don’t fly had never seen these chickens! I guess every male species is persistent when it comes to “chasing” a female.

At night, things get even more interesting even though I can’t see the chickens. Some nights in the wee hours of the morning it will be very quiet; the dog isn’t barking and the iguanas aren’t scratching on the roof. All of a sudden you hear running footsteps going “muy rapido”. I don’t know what it is until the “gallo” starts clucking like it is dawn and time for everyone to get up. While I can’t see them, I imagine the rooster is out chasing another hen because that’s the only time they run, other than when they are scared of humans or iguanas. Other nights the chickens start a chorus randomly. I hear the ones in my yard and then it seems as if all the other chickens in the neighborhood join in. Sometimes when I listen really carefully I can hear the chickens from around the corner. The chickens never cease to surprise me…

 

You’re probably reading this and think I have far too much time on my hands to pay attention to the chickens. You’re probably right, but I’m probably gonna be an expert on chickens by the time I get back to the States and will be thoroughly entertained until then…



A favorite hiding spot when the rain starts suddenly.

This one made it past being a scrambled egg.

The 52-Week Challenge…and Why You Should Join in Too!

“Accountability breeds response-ability.” -Stephen R. Covey

Since I’ve been blogging, I look at several other blogs, which I think are good, in the hopes of one day being a better blogger with a good following.  One of my faves so far is www.thisisyourconscience.com. Lincoln, the author, is funny, smart and has some of the most interesting topics on various subject matters. So last night, I’m browsing and come across a 52-week challenge that he proposed to himself and his readers and it was right on time…

 

The Challenge:

“The pledge is simple – but the challenge is NOT. I want everyone willing to be a part of this endeavor to swear RIGHT NOW (not tomorrow, not tonight after your meeting, or next week after your schedule at work/school is less hectic) that you will spend the next 52 weeks relentlessly chasing your dream.”

Each Wednesday of the next 52 weeks, every single ONE of us must state ONE important and necessary thing we did in the past 7 days to make our dream a reality. Our accountability partner(s) will then ask us the following:

1.      How did your actions bring you closer to your goal?

2.      Did you HONESTLY do everything in your power to progress your dreams this past week?

3.      How could you have done more?

4.      What is your plan to progress your goals in the next 7 days?

 

See, two nights ago I was complaining because I came from my Spanish “intercambio” and was frustrated that I wasn’t learning as much as I wanted. Unfortunately, I had no one to fault but myself. Then I got pissed off about this extra weight I’m carrying and again no one to fault but myself. So I accepted the challenge, hoping that is makes me accountable and work on achieving goals that I have been too lazy or unmotivated to reach on my own. I had two goals when I read the article, but after reading other people’s list, I decided to add on to mine.

Here is my list of things to actively work on for the next 52 weeks:

1. I pledge to be at my ideal weight, by working out at least 3 times a week.

2. I pledge to be fluent in Spanish, by actively working on it for the rest of my 4 months in Costa Rica.

3. I pledge to take my love of photography seriously by investing in a good camera and enrolling in a class.

4. I pledge to have the option to retire by 40 by eliminating my student loan debt and mortgage payments.

In deciding to take on this challenge, I’m sure many of my family and friends also have goals they want to accomplish. It can be anything such as taking a yearly vacation, reaching a weight loss goal, finishing a degree, becoming a better wife/husband/girlfriend/boyfriend, becoming a better parent or paying off debt.  You can set any goal, even if it takes longer than 52 weeks to reach!

The purpose is to actively work on reaching your goals and being held accountable by others, who want you to achieve that goal. So I’m encouraging others to join the challenge with me. List your goals in the comments section and choose others that you will hold accountable as well.

Read more about the challenge here: http://www.thisisyourconscience.com/2012/08/tiyc-presents-the-52-week-pledge-i-challenge-you-to-get-closer-to-your-dreams

Why is Costa Rica Hating on My Hair???

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again." -William Edward Hickson

Coming to Costa Rica I thought my “pelo natural” would be in heaven because of all this heat and humidity.  Boy was I wrong!  Costa Rica and I have been in a constant fight since I’ve gotten here and I think Costa Rica is winning. Every day poses a new hair challenge, whether my hair decides to shrink and hide, be consistently dirty and dusty or rain after I actually take time to put it in a style. I’ve spent countless hours searching on the Natural Hair group on facebook and looking on Youtube for “ayuda”… and hope! I’ve even put in an emergency shipment with my roommates for some products hoping it will help. SN: Shame on my roommate Neli, who told me not to bring Jessica2 (my wig); we would be best friends right now!

A couple weeks ago I braided my hair in some plaits or “Celie” braids as I call them; yes after Celie on The Color Purple. I left them in for 5 days and just pinned them back into different styles. In the States, I usually do this at night and have a cute braid out the next day, but deciding to be lazy and hoping for definition left them in. When I took them out my hair looked like “basura caliente”! I mean my hair had absolutely NO definition. All of the volunteers thought it was cute, but of course I knew better…

For my next experiment, I did a style with two strand twists and to my surprise it came out cute! However, a style that would have been cute and lasted a week did not hold up so well.  After 3 days it started to look kind of raggedy and I should have retwisted some of them again. Nevertheless I kept it in almost a week, NOT because it was cute, but out of sheer laziness.

My latest trial is to rinse my hair with conditioner, put in a leave-in conditioner, apply coconut oil to my ends and then some curling smoothie to my entire head.  I then put my hair in 3 ponytails to stretch it. While my hair is soft, the attempt was another FAIL at cuteness and ended up in a pulled back afro.

One day Costa Rica will not be a hater…one day while I’m here my hair will be cute …

Marriage: The New Fad???

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. -Mignon McLaughlin

I think celebrities are trying to break each other’s record on who can have the most anticipated, publicized wedding and then have the fastest divorce. Are these people serious?!?! Is nothing sacred anymore?  Is everything really about fame and fortune?? What happened to “til death do us part” or “happily ever after” (with a lot of hurdles to get there)”?

Now granted I’ve never been married, but I would imagine that before I said "I do" or even accepted a proposal I would know the person well enough to last more than 72 or 41 days! I don’t believe in divorce in most situations, but of course there are exceptions that trump this, with abuse being one. However, in the case of Ochocinco, Evelyn knew that fool was a cheater and had beat on someone in the past! Maybe she thinks like a lot of women, who believe they can change a man.  Other than those few exceptions, I truly believe most people get divorced because they are simply unhappy or don’t believe they can fix the issues. Of course, no one should stay where they are unhappy, but how many people truly work at trying to save their marriage or fix their issues before calling it quits?

Being a hopeless romantic, I try really hard to believe in the institution of marriage. However, I didn’t grow up with good examples of strong, positive marriages so foolishness like this continues to put a bad taste in my mouth. I have to continuously tell myself that marriage is what you and your spouse make it; there is no mold, only what works for your individual marriage. I now have some friends that seem to have great marriages (what do I know, I’m only looking from the outside) and I listen carefully to stories and advice and hope to one day apply things as necessary. Some of the best advice I ever got from one of my married friends is that “People expect their spouse not to change, but the truth is everyone changes. You just have to find the person that you want to change with and that you can put up with through those changes.” One day the right one will find me and I will have to accept the changes we will go through together.

And while I’m talking about marriage, I guess I should address the topic of same sex marriage too. Now what’s funny to me are all the people running around against same sex marriage like it’s going to ruin the institution of marriage… Ha!!! They must be sleeping and unaware of the heterosexual couples who are doing a damn good job of jacking it up already. People should mind their business and focus on their own personal relationships and marriage because those statistics of 50% of failed marriage don’t include the same sex marriages. Oh, but I forgot, it’s about religious beliefs and those people are sinning right? Yeah, like you don’t sin and won’t continue to do so.

With all of that being said, I wish the principles and commitment of marriage could return to a place where people fought hard to uphold their vows. Where people thought more about the marriage than the wedding and wanted to grow old with their significant other because they cared deeply and made a good partnership. A time when marriage was not a joke and about how much fame it could bring you.

I’m Not ‘Bout This Life: City Girl in the Jungle

The dance of the palm trees, the oceans calling, the first rays of sun and heaven is here. ~Mike Dolan

 
Today makes 3 weeks since I have arrived in Costa Rica! Whew time sure does fly! No matter how long I’m here, I just can’t see myself getting used to the wildlife in Costa Rica. For example, have you ever had a howler monkey throw mangos at you as you walk by or heard the monkey’s howl that made you stop in your tracks? Ever seen a toad that is bigger than a softball or heard iguanas scratching on your roof? Ever had a swarm of sand flies eating you alive like you are a free meal at the Golden Corral, while trying to watch the sunset on the beach? Ever seen packs of friendly stray dogs that come up to you and want to be your friend? Have you ever watched geckos playing tag on your walls or felt micro ants (that’s what I call them) on your skin, but couldn’t see them? If so, you probably lived in Costa Rica!


Howler monkey

Iguanas in my backyard

I’ve never been one to be OCD on my house being spotless, but I don’t have a choice here unless I want all of the jungle outside to come in. Since living in my own “casita”, I have had many more experiences with the wildlife of Costa Rica; I literally moved into the jungle! The property is surrounded by coconut, mango, banana, and lime trees, which means more animals. I now live with iguanas, chickens, huge toads, raccoons, various sized ants, crabs, and a dog.

Stray dogs on the beach





A gecko

My main concern is usually the micro ants because they are EVERYWHERE! They are teeny tiny barely visible ants that move “muy rápido”! You have to look closely to see them, but regret looking when you see them. Just today I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I walked three feet to the sink and when I got back there was a micro ant on my plate trying to get my PB&J. Now mind you I paid $9 for that peanut butter yesterday, so I was not sharing! At some point every day I can feel one of the ants on my arms even when I can’t see it. I just try to swipe it off as fast as possible, but it’s annoying.



THE Crab!

My newest concern are the crabs or “cangrejos”. I remember when I moved into my “casita” I was so excited because I could hear the waves from the ocean in my bedroom and smell the salt water. Being a girl from the Jersey Shore I was excited and this reminded me a little bit of home. However, never in my whole life would I expect a crab to walk into my room! My first reaction was a curse word, followed by wondering how this crab got into my house with the house door and bedroom door closed, and lastly how the hell was I going to get it out. I was literally in shock for a long time, but after a long fought battle, with heavy sweating, I was the winner and the crab was dead and outside. The crab won the war though because I couldn’t get to sleep that night until 5am; jumping at every little thing I thought moved. 

God only knows how I will last 4 more months in the jungle…

The "Shriveled/Puffy/Today is Not the Day" Look

Wednesday- When I left DC more than a week ago my newly twisted hair was cute and bouncy and hanging to my shoulders.  I had plans to keep this protective style in for 3 weeks. By the end of Day 1 in Playa Potrero it had a mind of its own. I call it the “shriveled/puffy/today is not the day look.” The length had retracted to my scalp from the combination of heat, sweat, and the surprise rain shower as I walked to the office. The twists were limp and lifeless. And the look that was cute, was not quite there anymore; less “lindo” and more “mal”. How can this style last me at least 3 weeks, when I’m over here looking like buckwheat’s mama??? Natural hair is no joke especially when it’s as thick, coarse, and as kinky as mine.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. To leave it, attempt to style it differently, or give up on it and try a whole new complete style?

Saturday- So I decided to keep the twist in…and a wreck I do look! Part of me says hey “pura vida” because I’m not trying to impress anyone on this journey, but the other hand says I’m looking “muy loca” because these twist are every which way and being the only Black person here, I need to be a better representation. I mean it’s frizzy and will not lay right no matter which style I put it in.  I know some of the volunteers think this is normal for Black girls, but I really feel shamed some days.

Tonight I’m putting my hair in bantu knots and will keep them in until Monday. Hoping this turns out better and looks less frizzy because if not Monday night this hair will be washed, put in some celie braids so the ‘fro can be rocked!

 (awesome sunset, bad hair...my face says it all)

Sunday- My bantu knots didn’t last until Monday, but I took them out and feel “mucho, mucho bueno” about the cute curly ‘fro it turned into. Gonna keep this for a few days then do a twist out which will hopefully make it fuller and cuter. Hair is in need of a good wash and deep conditioning. Thank God I brought a suitcase full of products because I’m surely in need of some TLC for my hair…

(looking and feeling better about myself)

Black Girl in a Different World

“Thankfulness is the soil from where joy grows.” -Unknown

I wake up every morning to the sun shining and a tropical oasis outside my window.  I can walk out of the house and have my pick of fresh fruit off the tree: mango, limes, star fruit or whatever I can reach. More importantly the walk to a beautiful white sand beach is only 5 minutes away and I can choose which one to visit because there are several nearby. I’ve been in Costa Rica for almost two weeks now and while at first glance it looks like paradise there are definitely some things I have to get used to.

No AC

The average temperature is 82 degrees, yet being so close to the equator makes it feel a lot hotter…something like what I suppose hell feels like.  I often feel like I’m the only one sweating or at least the only one complaining about it. Your best bet is to sit in front of a fan, but we know that just helps circulate more hot air. Not even a window unit in sight. A few days ago I rode in a car with air conditioning and I thought I had won the lottery!

Dirt Roads

I have lived in the south and even played outside everyday as a kid, but I have never seen this much dirt and dust on my body before. Not even riding ATVs through mud in Jamaica resulted in this level of dirt.  From my knees down is a totally different color from the dust. Whenever I feel ashamed I just look at everyone else and realize this is normal here.

Cold Showers

Now with it feeling like hell and all one would think that a cold shower would be refreshing…WRONG!!! No matter how hot I am, my body goes into shock every time! Luckily this exfoliating body wash makes me feel clean because I refuse to stick my whole body underneath the shower head. Maybe an arm or leg, but never the whole body. I settle for saturating my wash rag fifty million times. Not to mention with the amount of sweat and dirt that you accumulate throughout the day requires taking several showers: No Bueno.

So thankful for the small things, that bring joy to my life.

On Being a Rebel

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - H. Jackson Brown Jr.

So here I am, 26 years old with no husband and no children. I up and quit my job as a prosecutor, left my house to my roommates, and moved to Costa Rica for at least 5 months (if my mother thought it was longer she would kill me) to volunteer with a nonprofit called Abriendo Mentes. Decided I needed to take a break from my fast paced life to breathe. Graduated college at 20, law school at 23, and have been on the fast track ever since. I’ve been moving through life so fast that things are passing me by and I’m missing some important moments in my life; I spent my 21^st birthday studying for a law school exam and my 25^th preparing for a jury trial. I’ve decided to rebel against what “I’m supposed to do” and I’m content with what I have chosen. I'm walking by faith, loving life, and will persevere through any obstacles.

The funniest thing about telling people what I was planning to do were the pauses in the conversation.  You could almost hear their thoughts when I told them I resigned from my job to volunteer…for free! Some people think I’ve made a great, courageous decision, while others think I’ve lost it. What the latter don’t realize is that if I went too much longer at that pace I would have truly been “muy loca.” Not that opinions matter because this was a decision made by me for me.

What I’ve realized since deciding to travel this path is that a lot of people want to do something crazy and out of the norm yet don’t for whatever reason or excuse they can come up with. All the other volunteers in my program are young WASPs fresh out of college or in grad school. They are trying to find themselves or scared of entering the work force, and indeed they should be because being a “grown up” is for the birds. I’m the only one that looks like me and the only one, without a spouse, that was established and uprooted myself to be here.

All of this has me thinking... Why are people so afraid of things that are different? Why are Blacks not encouraging this type of behavior and exploration from our youth?